It's Still You
by petrelismariano
Summary: 4 years since Jess and Rory last saw each other. Reunited for a few seconds at a family meeting, Rory learns something unexpected. Are feelings really gone, is their story really over or is there a small chance of a new beginning ?
1. Chapter 1

In this story we are 4 years after Jess left to California, he and Rory haven't seen each other since then.

The story don't take into account what happened after Jess left, only a few things are similar to what really happened. Also Luke and Lorelai have been married for a year, Christopher never came back.

a little disclamer: obviously I don't own the characters and the background story but you already knew that.

[also english is still not my language so I apologize in advance for any mistake I might have made"

* * *

 _ **It's Still You.**_

 _ **CHAPTER 1: "My heart still breaks when I see him."**_

It was a beautiful sunny day in Stars Hollow, the perfect combination between warm and cold. The all town was reunited at the inn to meet to new member of the Danes-Gilmore family. Eliot Danes.

Among with the town we could recognize some known faces such as Emily and Richard Gilmore more than happy to welcome their great grandchild. Right behind the new born baby who was in the arms of his mother, we couldn't miss Kirk, Miss Patty and Babette as they weren't hidding their excitment.

Someone was watching the scene from afar. The relation between Rory and Lorelai has been complicated since she dropped out of Yale a few month ago, they were now on better terms that they were a couple months ago but it was nothing like they used to be

The arrival of Eliot had appeased the tensions quite a bit but not as much as Rory would have hoped. She was watching her mom carrying her new baby next to her husband, she saw her happy and complete. As Lorelai turned her face to Luke giving him the ultimate happy smile, Rory couldn't help but think to the one person who used to make her smile like that.

 _« You 're n_ _ot gonna kill me. Think how dull your life would be without me. » Jess said with a smirk of his own. He turned roud to face her, letting Rory examine every detail of his face. Jess' eyes were beautiful and full of light when he was looking at her, she could see the difference she made. He had a beautiful smile that, she would never admit, was making her melt. He liked her, she could tell and she liked him too but was too afraid of her feelings._

Rory's memories slowly blurred as she saw a known silouhette entering the room.

 _« Jess »_ Rory said in her head.

She hasen't even thought that he would be there. Of course he would show up to meet his new cousin. Rory hasn't heard much about Jess since her graduation day, but she knew he came back a few times when she wasn't there to see Luke and that Luke and him were really close now.

She stayed frozen for what felt like hours, all her memories rushing back to the surface. 4 years, 4 YEARS since they had last seen each other.

He was standing next to his uncle admiring his new born cousin. He seemed happy, he seemed different.

She was still at the same place, unable to move. 4 years that she had been trying to get over him but in vain. She hated the presence he still had in her head.

He was looking great, she had always find him really beautiful and incredibly attractive but he looked quite different here. He looked older for sure but more mature too and more confident. _Not the same lost kid,_ she thought.

When she finally realized that she had been staring at him for the last few minutes she ran into the room right next to her and closed the door as fast as she could.

 _« Rory »_ Jess said in his head as he saw her right before the door closed behind her. _« She's even more beautiful than the last time I saw her »_ He thought. He didn't know much about her life now, He knew she was supposed to go to Yale, he had vaguly heard a conversation between Luke and Lorelai about a new boyfriend of hers when he was visiting his uncle a few months ago but not much more. It has been 4 years, 4 years during which she haven't left his mind.

 _« He's here, he's here »_ she said to herself walking around the room her hands on her head. _« I'm not still in love with him, I can't still be in love with him I can't._ » As she was trying to push her thoughts away more memories came back.

 _« Jess is gone »_

 _« Gone where ?_

 _« I don't know »_

It took Rory a year before she start trying to date again, she tried so hard to erase Jess from her mind but in vain, she missed him, more than she should.

 _« Maybe if I tell myself enough, maybe if I do I'll get over you »_ She kept telling herself for the last 4 years. She wasn't the kind of girl pinning for a boy, she didn't want to be that kind of girl but no matter how hard she tried her mind always came back to him.

About a year ago she met this guy Logan, she tried harder to forget about Jess with him, but it changed her, she started acting weird, she got arrested, she was studying less, she dropped out of Yale and she even fought with her mom. It wasn't all because of the guy, it was her, trying to be someone she wasn't. Today she was still living at her grand parent's, still no Yale, only things with Lorelai were a little better but their special relationship was damaged and she she was scared of never being able to come back to the way things were.

She was still in the dark room, trying to find the courage to get out and face him, she was a mess and she didn't want him to see how bad she had turned. She couldn't even recognize herself.

She wanted to talk to him, she really did, but was afraid to face him. She wanted to go upstairs to her room and hide herself.

When she finally opened the door determined to take the stairs she turned around fast at the last minute heading to where Jess was standing before she found refuge in the room. But as she came closer Jess was nowhere to be found. She looked around, in every side of the room before stopping next to Luke.

« Hey Luke have you seen Jess ? »

« Jess just left a few minutes ago he had a plane to take. »

« A plane ? A plane to where ? »

« To Europe, starting with Paris to be precise. »

« Europe, what is he goig to do in Europe ? »

« His book got even more success than expected and made it to several Europe countries and his agent wanted him to go there for book signings. »

« Jess wrote a book ? »

Rory couldn't believe it, not only Jess wrote a book but it was a success why did no one tell her about this.

« Yes he wrote it last year you didn't know ? »

« No I didn't, we haven't talked since he left for California and no one never mentions his name to me. »

« Oh, I thought you knew. »

« Well I didn't. »

« Rory are you okay, you look pale ? » Luke said ashe watched Rory leave the conversation.

« Yeah, yeah I'm fine I just-I gotta go. » She said turning her head to face him for a few seconds befor continuing her way.

« Is she okay ? » Lorelai said as she came closer to her husband after seeing Rory leaving. « She seems upset. »

« She said she is but yes she does seem upset. »

« She has seen Jess didn't she ? »

« I'm not sure but she was asking me if I knew where he was, I told her about the trip to Europe for his book.- »

« Oh I haven't told her about the book. »

« Well I thought she knew. »

« I know it's been a year since he wrote it and I should have told her long before but I never know how to bring him up, every time I try to mention his name she becomes weird, I think she has been trying so hard to get over him but I can see he still occupies her mind »

« Yeah I think that's the same for him. »

Rory was still in shock, she needed some time alone to think. She went up to her room at the Inn. As she entered her room she saw something in her bed and as she came closer she finally was able to tell what it was.

 _Dear Rory,_

 _4 years have passed and the sight of you still make me feel._

 _I'm sorry I had to left before we had a chance to talk, I had a plane I couldn't miss. There are so many things I wish I could have told you starting with apologies._

 _You probably don't know it but I wrote a book, about a year ago. It's about us mainly, I hope you don't mind, anyway here's the first printed copy I kept for you._

 _It was nice seeing you again even for a brief moment._

 _I hope we'll get to talk soon_

 _Take care,_

 _Jess._

As she put the letter down, Rory took the book in her hands staring at it for a few seconds before opening it.

 _To the person who inspired this book,_

 _Thank you for changing my life, thank you for believing in me when no one else did, this book is for you._

 _I will always love you Lucy,_

 _Jess._

* * *

 _So that's it for the first chapter, I have some ideas for the next I hope this is interresting enough, again sorry if the language is not correct I try my best! I would appreciate any review, tell me what you think so I can improve thank you._


	2. Chapter 2

I come back with another chapter sooner than expected, the reviews motivated me to write and I had some time. I know the chapter is short but I'm not a big fan of long chapter and I wanted to end this one on this particular note. I hope you'll like it and that it will not disappoints you. (Once again english is not my language, so I'm sorry if there any mistakes)

 **CHAPITRE 2 :** He wrote a book.

Rory has been staring at the words written on the blank page for a few minutes when she felt a tear flowing down her cheek. Jess wrote a book, a book about her, about them, a book he dedicated to her and to what they shared.

* * *

They may have been teenagers when they met, and their story may had been brief it felt real to her. What their shared was important to her. Even though she did love Dean it was nothing compared to what she felt for Jess.

It took her time to admit her feelings for him, mainly because she was scared of feeling them and what it could mean.

Jess entered in her life inexpectedly and she would never avow it, especially not to him but he was kind of the boy she had always dream to meet.

Jess was different, he liked what she liked, read the same books, listened to the same music, liked to trash to the same movies, he was compatible but no so compatible that he's boring. They respected each other's opinions and laughed at the same jokes. He supported her with her dreams and encouraged her to follow them.

And even if they had their ups and down, being with Jess felt good, he made her feel alive, he made her want to live her life to its fulliest.

She could have imagined a lifetime with him and once again her strong feelings for him were scaring her. She was only seventeen, she couldn't think about the future too much, that was too early.

Jess was a lost boy, he had a hard childhood and no one really made him feel important or loved, no one really cared about him until Luke. He was hidding his feelings behind a big imposing wall, not letting anyone in. And that's kinda what teared them apart.

Rory knew now that she could have listened more to him, put herself in his shoes, try to understand what he was going through.

She have had plenty of time, during those 4 years, to think about what they did wrong, what she could have done, what he shouldn't have done. Trying to find hundreds scenarios, but always came back with that same ending. She knew inside that Jess needed to leave, he needed to find himself first, and she needed to mature a little bit.

* * *

Rory closed the book and gathered all her stuffs, she needed to get out of here. She needed some air so she could breath, for a start. Once the room empty and everything packed in her hands she headed to the door, took the stairs and told everyone she had to go.

« Rory are you okay ? » Lorelai asked her as she saw her daughter ready to leave.

« Yes I'm okay, I just- I have to go I'm sorry, it was nice seeing you, I'll come back this week-end okay. Bye little brother. »

She left a kiss on her brother's head and kissed her mother and Luke goodbye.

* * *

Once in the street, she stopped for a few seconds and took a deep breath, why did a simple book had such a strong affect on her. She got back to her car and started driving.

It was now dark. Unlike most people, Rory enjoyed driving in the dark, there was something peaceful in the fact of being alone in the road, no lights to blind you. It was like commune with yourself. Even if there was music playing, it felt quiet.

She increased the radio volume and let the music consumes her.

 _« We let the waters rise_

 _We drifted to survive_

 _I needed you to stay_

 _But I let you drift away_

 _My love where are you ? My love where are you ? »_

Even though she was currently living at her grand paren'ts house, that wasn't where she was going, she had enough stuffs with her to survive a few days. Once arrived at destination she headed to an hotel she has seen. She took the keys the employee gave her and went to the place that would be her room for the next few days.

It was a nice hotel, Richard had given her some money and she was able to afford a nice hotel. The room almost seemed like an appartment in itself, it was big and very cosy.

She made herself a bath with a lot of foam like she liked them, turned on some calm music, lighted up some candles and took Jess' book.

Once in the bath, she stared at the book for a couple of minutes, again. It was Jess' book, she was holding Jess' book. She still couldn't believe it, she knew he would do something like this eventually but she would have never tought it would be so soon.

She finally took the courage she needed to open the book to the sencond page as she had already read the first one.

 _[Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're not as terrible as you think you are._

 _Lucy was for me that someone, she was the only person who saw me when no one else did, not even myself. She told me I could do anything I wanted, be anyone I wanted and I didn't believe her, I don't wanted to believe her._

 _Someday you meet someone and they change you, whetever it's for good or bad, people can have an impact on you. They can change the way you usually see things, they can make you feel things you have never felt before, and make you experience many things you have never experienced. That's the beauty of meeting new people, from new horisons, people that can complete some parts of you._

 _Lucy was that one person that makes you believe in love at first sight, even for the « bad boy » of the town, she was that one person that you want to spend all your time with, the only one you want to talk to._

 _I'm not gonna tell you how the story ends at the first page, it would take you away the desire to read it and because I would like to think that I don't know the end of this story.]_

She stopped reading for a moment, collecting her thoughts. This is how Jess' started his book. She knew it was about them as he said it in the letter but she didn't expected it to be that much about them, about her.

She read Jess' words again, she felt something, something she couldn't describe, it felt like-like nostalgia.

She put her thoughts aside and kept reading.

 _« perhaps we'll meet again when we're better for each other. »_

Rory turned the last page to make sure there wasn't another one but there wasn 't. She had just read 300 pages of words written by Jess Mariano. 300 pages about her and him and them and it was how he chosed to end the book. It felt like an non ending story, maybe the end could still be written, be changed. They never really had any closure, that was maybe why she had never been able to get over him, he hasen't even answer the phone when she kind of « broke up » with him.

As Jess' final words were repeating themselves in Rory's head, she found herself hoping, hoping that there might be a tiny chance that her story with Jess might not being over. Maybe he still loved her, maybe this book was a sign to her, maybe.

Jess had painted Rory beautifully, and she now could tell how his book had meet that much success. As a person who had read thousands of books she was in position to give a fair opinion on his work. It was- true genius, it was smart and incredibly well written. He had a particular style, it was new, it made you want to read more and more. You could understand every word with a new approche, with his own approche, it felt like you were in his world.

Rory put the book down, all she wanted to do was read it again, she wanted to call Jess and tell him how much she had enjoyed his book, how much she had loved all of it. She wanted to tell him how proud she was of him, she just wanted to see him and talk to him.

With his book she felt closer to him than she has ever felt, it was like she could now understand him, understand what he has been through, understand how he felt. And she realized that she had never placed herself in his side of their relationship.

But his book also reconnected her with herself. She realized that he knew her more than she knew herself, more than she knew him . He understood her more than she understood herself and more than she understood him.

She was missing this Rory, she was missing Lucy, she wanted to be Lucy. And it hit her.

His book was exactly what she needed at the moment. Jess, throught his book, reminded her of her dreams, of her determination. She wasn't living the life he had wished for her, she wasn't living the life she had wished for herself. She was supposed to be a new Christiana Ampour, she had always wanted to be a journalist and she had trown everything away and for what ? For a guy ? She didn't know that for sure, she had let her insecurieties got the better of her and she wasn't proud of it.

She got out of the bath and took her cell phone. She composed the number she wanted to reach and waited for a voice to pick up.

 _« Allo ? »_

* * *

 _hope you liked it, please let me know if there're some things wrong with it, or your opinion I would like to know, thank you for reading._


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